I dreaded every day of February. I missed my mom with each breath. Her birthday was the 22nd. We took a trip to honor her. I planned for that weekend all month long. I anticipated the grief I was to display that day. I held my breath as we journeyed north. Where are you Mom?? ALL.MONTH.LONG. That's 28 days, in case you were wondering. 28 days of just existence. If you looked at me long enough, I'm sure you could've seen straight through me. I was vanishing. It overwhelmed my heart, my brain, to think, to be a wife, a mother, a house cleaner, a hostess, a friend. Is that honoring anyone? um...FAIL.
As March has found me, I am OBSESSED with the word HOPE. I see it everywhere. In my daily Bible study.....entitled Abounding Hope.... on a bracelet, on TV, on Facebook, in song, words of encouragement. Hope....
If I allow myself to wallow in pity of how my mom is gone, I'm lonely, my guidance is gone, you name it, then I rob the Holy Spirit of His job. He brings me hope. Glorious Hope that this is not over. That I won't forget what she looked like, smelled like, laughed like, cried like. Hope that her faith, this torch that she has given me, is now SIGHT. She sees just what He has saved her from, this Jesus that loves us......yeah, He's holding her now. Who else would I want to greet me when I meet my Jesus than the one who prayed for my own faith? The one that held my hand and showed me Jesus. It's only appropriate that she introduce us face to face...although, I'm sure no introduction will be necessary.
So, as Steven Curtis Chapman has sang....
We have this hope as an anchor 'cause we believe that everything God promised us is true
So we can cry with hope
And say goodbye with hope
We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope
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